Spirituality and finding the right church

Methodist Church

Another of my "to-dos" when I left my job, was to talk to the co-pastor of my church, my spiritual advisor. I was in such shock. I wanted to cry, I wanted help, I wanted an understanding shoulder...and I wanted it now!  No one else could have ever possibly gone through what I was going through! No one else has ever been jilted...by their career!

I was glad I had joined a church years before and had set up a relationship with the pastor that would allow me to feel comfortable in contacting her. Thank goodness...sigh.

In earlier years, I had thought off and on about meaning in my life, but when you're working full time and maintaining social activities and friendships, who has time for meaning? Retiring, or not working, gave me more time to think about this. Spirituality is a topic a lot of us shy away from in conversation.

But all I can say is that if you ever thought about finding meaning and/or joining a church. Now is the time. If you don't do it after your first retirement, when will you do it?



Catholic Church

Finding the right church isn't always that easy. Here is my very simple take on it.

1. Take your time and visit a lot of different churches. Go twice, or more. See how it works out over time.

 



Episcopal Church

2. Determine your criteria. What denomination? Do you want a lot of activities? Do you want volunteer opportunities? Do you want to be involved? Do you want a casual service? Formal service? Lots of kids? Families? Singles? One reason I liked our church was because it was a husband and wife team. That seemed very "equal opportunity-ish" to me.




Lutheran Church

3. Consider distance. I visited one church several times and really liked it, but it was just a little too far away. This is a tough one. Some of the best churches are large and far away. People drive miles to get there. How far do you want to drive? Do you want it to be easy to get to? I knew I needed something close. I drove a good distance for work so I wanted to stick closer to home on weekends. And, just in case I live in my house another 30 years, I want to be on the "shuttle" route.






4. Does someone speak to you? Ideally, the minister or pastor will greet you, but what about other people? Do you feel welcome? Did you like the people you spoke to?

 

5. Most importantly, did the message or sermon reach you? I visited one church that just outright wanted to scare people into submission.  The message at my current church spoke to me, I felt like I had been led there. It felt like home.


Presbyterian Church

And now that I have a church I like, I have the time to put more of myself into it. It offers all kinds of volunteer opportunities, socializing and activities. I guess it was all meant to be.

 

 

Thrift Shopping

Ok, this doesn't sound like so much fun, but it can be.

When I was first "retired", I wasn't collecting a pension. This meant I had no revenue stream which made me nervous. I had applied for unemployment but hadn't yet received approval for it. It was just like dieting when I forbid yourself from certain foods, the first thing I felt when I knew I couldn't go shopping...was that I really wanted to go shopping. After all, I had all this new time on my hands and I wanted clothes to go with my lifestyle. And while I'm not a big shopper, it does get my endorphins engaged. I got depressed. Was I going to spend the rest of my life never buying another new thing? I knew better, but that little voice in the back of my brain was saying Noooooooo....

So, I went to a Thrift Store! Best deal in town, especially on Sale Days! I bought a big bag of stuff for about $20. It was so fun! And I was smiling again! And it wasn't just what I bought, I had fun with the other ladies.  We talked about what looked good, where we could wear it, and that if we didn't like it when we got home, oh well...

Tips for Thrifting

1. Go with a Plan

Some of these stores are HUGE! I could spend all day there if I didn't get hungry or need a restroom.  Figure out what you are looking for and TRY to stick to it. What colors do you want? Are you looking for something unique? Or something basic, like a white blouse? You can look at other things, but remember what you came for. You can always return to the store.

I remember on my first visit to one huge store, I came home with three blazers even though I had a closet full of them that I would never need! But they looked so good! And the other ladies told me I looked cute and I could wear them to lunch. Trust me, I've never worn them to lunch...or dinner...or drinks.

With smaller stores its not as much of a problem because you may only find one or two items.

2. Wear a camisole and exercise shorts.

A lot of these places don't have dressing rooms. I usually wear a camisole so I can try stuff over it. Another trick I use is to find a skirt, slip it on over my pants or shorts, and then I can slip on pants under the skirt and remove the skirt to see how the pants look.

3. Watch your purse

I'm sure I was being scoped out at one of these stores by a guy who thought the purse in the basket was mine. I had found it on the shelf and was trying to decide if I should buy it.

There are a lot of people of all kinds in these stores on sale days. You may want to keep your purse in your car and  keep your keys in your pocket or pinned to your clothes. You can always run back to your car for your purse when you check out.

Another thing I do is to load all my potentials over my purse so it is buried at the bottom. I also hook the handle around a hangar and hook the hangar to the buggy so no one can grab the purse and run.

4. Know what's currently in style.

Some of these clothes may be really old but look new if they've been in someone's closet for years. You don't want to get home only to realize that your look is old and dated.  If its really cheap it may not matter, but if you buy a lot, like I usually do, its better to have some idea of current fashion.

5. Bring cash

A lot of stores don't take checks or credit cards. One way I limit my "over zealous self" is to bring a set amount of cash and then I can't buy more. (Although they usually have an ATM nearby.)

Note: Thrift stores are different from Resale or Consignment stores which I'll talk about in another post.

Learn to love exercise!

One of the very first things I did when I found all this new, scary time on my hands...exercise! Or I should say, more exercise. Call me crazy but it was always a dream of mine to have all the time I wanted to exercise. Uh oh, how was I going to live up to that dream?

There are no more excuses! I have heard soooo many people say, I would exercise if I just had more time. Well, the new found "post career" status is the best time to come out and play, call it exercise but its more fun if you look at it as play.

For me, the best part is that I didn't have to get at 4:30 in the morning anymore. No more cold and dark runs with a flashlight hoping that drivers were paying attention while adjusting their radio or I pod. And no more dodging Detroit traffic when I tried to walk at lunch. I often wondered if I should give up since I wasn't sure if it was so good for my health to dodge cars and busses, yes busses. Note: In the city, Detroiters don't always stop at stop signs or traffic lights and busses are on a schedule.

I also knew that I couldn't keep up the pace. The 4:30 am alarm wasn't going to last much longer, funny, I thought I might have to give up my morning run, didn't know I'd be giving up my job instead.

And I don't have a bunch of perfect uninjured joints. I have a bad knee and bad shoulder.

That first week, when I didn't know what to do with myself. Getting out and running or walking or bicycling kept me going and gave me structure.

Here are the best things about exercise:

1. It is the single best thing you can do for your body. Even if you smoke. Even if you don't eat right. If you can't run, walk. If you have a bad knee or hip, swim or do pool or chair aerobics. Move!

 

2. It clears your head and gives you time to think. See where your thoughts go. You'll be surprised.

3. It gives you structure. Especially if you've just had your world turned upside down.


Here are my 5 favorite year round exercises:

1. Jogging - I know I shouldn't but I love it when my legs are up to it. I try to jog every other day. I'm lucky because I can jog nearby on dirt roads, dirt shoulders or blacktop. Cement is bad. If the weather is bad, time for a workout place and a treadmill.

2. Walking - This is what I do on the other every other day. Burns fewer calories but still good for you.

3. Yoga - I avoided this for years but finally, through the magic of Groupons, I tried it. Now I'm a believer. It takes about 3 sessions before your body gets used to it so give yourself a little time. Now I look forward to the stretching and, especially, the relaxation at the end. Tip: start with a Beginner's class. You'll be more likely to stick with it.

4. Bicycling - Okay, this isn't quite year round in Michigan, but it's good for at least six months. And you can cover a lot of ground and see the seasons change up close. And it's a good activities with your others. I see some people bike with their dog on a leash, the dog might think its a little unfair but I guess it works for the people.

5. Zumba Gold - Or regular Zumba. But if you need to be careful with your joints, Zumba Gold is great. Tip: find a fun class with a good instructor. You'll know. If its boring, try somewhere else or try another instructor.

Where to exercise:

• I just read in Mindful Magazine that the average American spends 90% of their time indoors. Time to get outside, my first choic. The first time I knew I was happy being retired was when I was out running one warm, sunny fall day. Its a myth that runners/joggers don't smile. We're smiling on the inside sometimes, but it's there.

• I'm lucky, I have a lifetime membership at a local workout club where I can use the treadmill or do weights. But Planet Fitness is only $10 / month. I joined there because I liked the facility and it really is cheap. They have tons of treadmills and equipment.

• I also joined CC Plus fitness for yoga and zumba. Its not as cheap but the classes and facility are really good.

Life after my (first) retirement

On July 12, 2012, I officially left my 30 year career. This blog will be about that journey, everything that has happened since then, what I've learned, what I've experienced, what I've done. Some people call it retirement, I just say I'm between careers...even if I never have a second one. My hope is that as I post, you can learn from me and I can learn from you.

My first experience as a non-working human was...fear, anxiety and even nightmares. What was I supposed to do with myself? Everyone assured me it would be okay, but how does that ever work?  Until I found "okay" for myself, it was meaningless.

The first day, I got up early, headed to my computer and sat there to "do something". I mean that's what I had been doing day after day, so sitting at my computer must be a good thing? But it just didn't feel the same. I had no reason to sit at my computer.

You know, this is what we all lived for, right? The ability to stay home and do whatever we want! But all I could think was...Do I matter anymore? Will I ever talk to another human being again? Where will I wear my clothes? 

And then there's money. 

So journey with me, let's have some fun and laugh and learn and maybe cry a little (but just a little)...let's go!

Linda